Lack of Sleep and Neurotic Reasoning

I am perpetually tired. I cannot ever sleep or even rest. It has been this way through out my life. Even as a child, I was prone to bouts of not sleeping or not wanting to sleep. Oft it seems to me, that by ‘going to bed’, I am giving up. I am not finished; I should continue to move forward. Sleep is necessary-needless to say. It is funny how one can let that which would do them the most good, become the object of antipathy. I do not dislike sleeping. Actually, I quite enjoy it. If it could ever be free of constant dreams and nightmares. Rarely is it peaceful; usually, it is restless. There are nights of longing for sleep to come but as it begins to descend-the mind wards it off as an unwelcome interloper. Sleep, seemingly, would alleviate angst. 

Seemingly, the same principle drives other aspects of life as well. The thing you need sits in view and you chose to not walk that way. Habitually you know what or whom would be good for you in many given situations and still chose to ignore the obvious, ready, or willing answer to pursue that which we deep down know will be to our detriment or just because we actually fear that which we know we need and truly desire in some way anticipating rejection or a loss of independence or whatever the excuse. It furthermore seems one will ignore an obvious choice rationalizing there must be a better resolve and it would be silly to settle with that, which is a known commodity. Like fighting sleep, how often do you ignore that which is obvious: the best answer, the best choice, the best person, or the best action due to some neurotic logic or lack thereof? Don’t over look the obvious; I continue to do so-but why? 

Perhaps, the obvious is just never obtainable in actuality. 

Neurotic logic? 

Reality? 

Hell if I know.